My Mental Health In Lockdown... and the After

I have been living with mental health issues for too many years to remember. A few years ago I was put on anti depressants at a low dose, which helped.

Back in March last year when the whole UK was thrown in to lockdown it felt like the end for me. I was cut off from all my friends I had relied on for support, both mental and physical.

With various measures in place in Wales, things started to play on my mind. With a stubborn Father, who kept going out for long drives to goodness knows where, my mental anguish and state of mind really took a wallop.  I was on the verge of a mental meltdown. I found myself crying on the phone to my sister. She phoned our Father, who then phoned me. I pleaded with him to stay close to home, and travel no further than 5 miles away, which when I told him about my mental state of mind, he was happy to do.

Shortly after this, my medication us increased, which was something I didn't really want, but knew it was needed.

Living with mental health is one thing, but also having to deal with physical issues is another. 

My main problem is I have been diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis, it's a horrible thing to suffer with, it can really knock me down. Not many people seem to know about it, as it is not really that visible. 

I can tell you that suffering with Ankylosing Spondylitis has an impact on my mental health. I keep beating myself up about my physical limits.

I get pain on a daily basis, not only in my back, but all over. I have days when it is not too bad, but have far to many days where the pain is so great it feels unbearable. I have to struggle on my own right now, I am in a support bubble with one other person, who helps when he can.

So with AS, my anxiety and depression, neck and shoulder issues, a left leg problem which is yet to be diagnosed, and Covid lockdown measures that chop and change on a regular basis, is it any wonder my mental state is how it is?

There is a light at the end of the tunnel in the form of vaccine. So far here in the UK we have the Pfizer/BioNTech as well as the Oxford/AstraZeneca vaccine, the latter is easier to store and transport, as it can be stored in the fridges that chemists and doctors surgeries currently have.  Other parts of the world have different home grown vaccines. Russia has got one that is, apparently, 100% effective and it is called EpiVacCorona.

I want to appeal to those who refuse to follow the rules. For once, think about those with mental and physical health issues who need life to get back to normal. They need to be able to see their wider group of friends, need to have hospital appointments back to be seen. Stop being so selfish, stop spreading this awful virus, and putting the NHS in to total meltdown. Just think of others who are not in as good health as you are and please, follow the rules. Protect yourself and others.

Sources for article: Reuters, BBC News, NDTV / Photo: Reuters

Since the Covid-19 situation started, my mental health has been all over the place, a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Now that things are looking like they are easing I am scared, frightened to be mixing with people. The friend I am in a bubble has noticed that I have changed.

I am not sure I can mix with people again, my mind is not up to it, I am not sure I know how to properly anymore.  As daft as it sounds, I think being social for me is out of the question. I am scared to be social in person with people out in the world.

Scared I will catch something, scared I can't get on any more, scared I can't live life again.